The fact of the matter is that we, like many other folks right now, have very little "spare change". Or is that all in our heads? I have been stressed to the max lately about finances. It's always worse around the holidays too. Not only do you have higher utility bills due to the increase of Christmas lights and decrease of the temperatures, you also have gift giving obligations and year end expenses such as car registration and such. It seems to rain bills in the months of October, November and December. But, something I was thinking today, am I really as broke as I sometimes lead myself to believe? Or am I just more selfish than I'd like to admit?
Today, as we were leaving Walmart, we had one of those "Jingle Bells" experiences. I did have some change in my wallet, but I was in a grumpy mood because we had just spent money on more Christmas gifts, which, like it or not, is not always Merry...especially when you feel like you have very little to give. Not only are you grumpy about having to spend, but, in my case at least, I get grumpy wishing I had more to do more. So I passed up the merry bell ringer and headed with my kidos and bags to the car. None of this story is yet very profound...but I'm getting there.
As I was headed home, I realized how tired I was. So I, without too much thought, pulled into McDonalds to grab a yummy peppermint mocha. As I pulled away from the drive through, I realized that, even though the treat was indeed yummy, I could have spent $1.50 less and gotten a regular coffee. That $1.50 could have gone in the bell ringer's bucket. Man did I feel guilty. Some would argue that even a regular coffee was an unnecessary expense, and they'd probably be right. But my point is this...even when we think we have little, most times, we have enough. There are probably ways we could all cut back and "do without" or "do with less" and we would still live pretty comfortably. As I was thinking about this on the drive home, I realized that I am not as "broke" as I think. I am just more selfish than I'd like to admit.
The truth is, we are all selfish. I believe doing for #1 is a primal motive that allows us to survive. So what does it look like to take small steps to really living out the now popular slogan of "I am second."? What does it look like to model that for my kids?
We did give this holiday season. We did put ourselves second in many ways. And perhaps that is why I felt justified in my moment of deciding to splurge on the tasty mocha. But was it what would truly be termed "sacrificial?" I want to be sacrificial. I want to be better at always putting others first. I don't believe that makes us doormats. I believe that teaches us humility and develops our character. There is no gift not worth giving.
What would it look like for me to put $2 into savings every time I thought about buying a coffee out of the house? How big would I be able to bless someone this time next year? What would I be able to give my Ugandan friends? How much would I save just by denying myself a few times for something non-essential and what would I be able to do with that amount?
I'm not by any means saying that we should give beyond our means. I'm just challenging myself to look at what my "means" really are.
To end, a picture of my babies. :) They are what keeps me pushing to better our world. For in time, our world will shape them in profound ways. For better or worse.
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