What would it mean for me to be SWEETLY broken, and WHOLLY surrendered? I think I have definitely experienced broken. And I am pretty sure I am a surrendered follower. But rarely do I think of those other two words, sweetly and wholly, and leave that thought not wanting more. I want more of the brokenness...the kind of brokenness that brings about true healing, restoration and victory. I want to be more surrendered...wholly. I used to think that once you surrendered, it was a once and for all kind of action. Kind of like waving the white flag and the war being over. But I have come to realize that the act of surrendering is more like a journey. And the journey changes with the seasons of my life. The JOURNEY of surrendering causes me to want to lean in to the state of being wholly surrendered like never before. To lean in and press forward. I am not sure what being wholly surrendered looks like, but I think it resembles being able to die to self in a profound way. A way that takes captive each thought of self and replaces it with a deep, churning desire to see God's will done before mine.
I haven't always wanted to be broken and surrendered. Let alone sweetly and wholly. I used to see these kinds of terms as paving stones that would eventually make me into a person easily walked over. Why would I want to put the Kingdom over myself anyway? What's in it for me? Well, nothing. And everything. There's nothing in it for me when I truly choose to put someone else's needs over my own. But I should chose to do it because I have been given everything by a God who gave freely. That's the story of grace. And slowly, in this season of constant demands on myself, I am realizing my call to bend out horizontally that story of grace. A bending that resembles the selfless act of the cross. That pursuit calls me to grow in my brokenness and surrender.
Being broken is something I'm still learning to find joy in. But God is faithful to meet me in my brokenness. And that's where I find sweetness that words could never explain.
