I choose

I choose to submit to my husband. And guess what? It makes me a better wife and makes our marriage better for it.

Something my mom said to me, in the midst of our recent heated uproar, has been bothering me. When Rob told her that we need to all calm down until we could talk things out rationally, she replied, "Heather is your wife, not your b*tch." She didn't use the * though. 

This has really been bothering me and I couldn't peg why. Until today, when I was thinking about it yet again. I really don't care what she thinks, but it did annoy me that she thought Rob had no right to jump in. When he did, his heart was to protect me and my heart. I realize now that she misunderstands the beauty of having a husband who would die for you. I'm not sure she has that, and I think she forgets that, when I submit to Rob and allow him to put himself on the line for me, not only does it always grow us closer, it gives us greater strength as one. 

My mom has a choice in the way she reacts to things. I have been saying that all along. She blames me and some ill conceived notion that I hate her for all of this. But I disagree. I am far from blameless, but our separation is a direct result of her choices. I chose to follow Rob. Had I jumped in and said "I can take care of myself!", not only would it have made us fight and given my mom the drama she was looking for, but it would have crushed Rob. I would have been disrespecting him, publicly, and he would have reacted unlovingly, which would have hurt me and put us on a "crazy cycle" and downward spiral. (Love and Respect, Dr. Emmerichs) 

I choose to follow Rob. That doesn't mean he walks all over me. It doesn't mean I get drowned out in any decision. It means I make a choice to allow him to lead our family as God designed him to do. My choice in this gives him the respect he needs to be validated as a man, and in return, he loves me better. 

We all have to make choices in this life. So often we are so quick to blame our actions on some circumstance we couldn't control. But I feel SO, SO strongly that, if we could only chose to do right despite our circumstances, our circumstances would lose the negative power they so often hold over us. With this line of thought, my mom is right. I am Rob's wife. I chose to marry him, and I choose to allow him to lead me. It's a freeing thing really. Not a bonding thing. May God continue to give me enough grace to continue to follow.